My Dad is a Freaking Badass

My Father: Badass Extraordinaire

     

     On November 29, 1945, a pair of twin boys were born on in a hospital on the campus of Auburn University. Both boys were not given a very high chance of survival, but as the world would soon come to find out, neither one of them cared much for odds; what was going to happen was going to happen regardless of any speculation on someone else's part. The twins were given the names of Bob and Bill. The former would go on to be a famous tennis player, the latter would not only become my father, but also one of the few true Badasses remaining in the world today.

    Like most Badasses, my father spent most of his early childhood being a rebellious pain in the ass to his parents, not realizing at the time that the pain he was causing them would swiftly be returned to his own ass through the blunt instrument of force known as my grandfather's right hand (sometimes it also came in the form of his belt, a switch, or my grandmother's hairbrush). While this method of child-rearing (no pun intended) might be considered draconian in today's society, it was successful in quickly taming my father's rebellious nature. However, no amount of spankings could ever douse the burning fire that was my father's spirit; his inner Badass lived on.

     My father was lucky that his rebellious nature was treated with such an instrument, for it helped get him through high school. He was even able to go to college, and soon found himself attending North Georgia College and State University:  a military school.  While going to school as an Army cadet, he found his college career put on hiatus due to a minor skirmish known in the Far East known as the Vietnam War. (You may have heard of it at some point...you may also have heard of words like "napalm," "Charlie," and "Lyndon Johnson.") After training to jump out of perfectly good airplanes with nothing but a parachute that was a little bit larger than a tube sock, my father wound up flying helicopters. He spent two happy years piloting Hueys over the jungles of Vietnam, while the Viet Cong shot at him from the brush with their silly little AK-47's. He has told me once or twice of the fond memories of watching tracer bullets whiz by his helicopter while being fired from some unseen point on the ground below. 

I'm sure this brings back memories of the good old days...

     After completing 2 years of said bullshit, my father was able to leave Vietnam, retiring from the Army at the rank of Captain. He returned to school was was able to graduate with a Bachelor Degree in History. He went on to work for the Georgia Department of Natural Resources, ultimately becoming the superintendent (not to be confused with Super Nintendo) of Hofwyl Broadfield Plantation State Historic Site, one of several Georgia state parks. He lived on the site in a house in the middle of the woods, his only companions being his trusty dog Bismarck, an Airedale who didn't put up with any shit from local wildlife, and his 5 pound Man-Beard.

Possible photograph of my dad that I found on Google?

What raccoon would ever want to tangle with this cold-blooded killer?

     After subsisting on a diet of beer, cheddar cheese, and raw bacon for a number of years, my dad decided that something must be done about the cooking. (Badasses rarely have the patience for cooking) One day, he sent his beard out into the wilderness to search for a mate. His beard returned with a woman named Gwen who, despite the somewhat confused look on her face, (you'd look confused, too, if a beard led you to a house in the middle of the woods) had an award-winning smile and a knack for cooking the roadkill that Bismarck would bring to the doorstep. After making sure that she understood the rules of the house (no one was to sit in Bismarck's chair), he proceeded to get her roaring drunk before finally asking her to marry him. She agreed, and the two were happily married. 

     It would be four years later that they would welcome their first child into the world, a somewhat deformed, half-retarded son named "Spludge." Lucky for the boy, who wasn't even strong enough to deadlift a math book, his mother's maternal instincts kicked in and she protested the name until they both agreed to settle for "Patrick." From then on, the man dedicated his life to providing for his family. He sold his motorcycle, shaved his beard, joined the Army National Guard, gave up drinking, and worked 6-7 days a week to make sure that his wife and son could have happy lives. (It's hard for a Badass to part with his motorcycle) He spent time making sure that his son was behaving himself in school, working hard on his studies, and staying inside the lines when he colored. He put money aside for his son's future, hoping that by some miracle of God and science his son might one day be able to pass the SAT. Through a combination of luck and his father's no-bullshit agenda for success, the son was able to not only pass the SAT, but also go to college. He was able to find other people like him in the Theatre program of the local university and went on to play some widely renowned background roles in several straight-to-DVD feature films. (though he still can't stay in the lines when he colors...)

     After making sure that his son had a place to go in college, my father decided to retire from his job, regrow his beard, buy a motorcycle, and ride off into the sunset.  Legend has it, that some evenings in the forests of Georgia, when the moon is full, you can hear his snores from some unknown location. (Unless he has come home to take a shower, change clothes, or go to church).

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It is very difficult to describe how much of a Badass my father is, but I have tried to compile a list of some of the things he has done that fall into that category:

-He really did fight in the Vietnam War.

-He raised me on a diet of spicy food that impresses most Koreans.

-He really flew a helicopter in Vietnam.

-He really jumped out of perfectly good airplanes.

-He taught me how to hike, camp, and canoe as a child.

-He has ridden his motorcycle from Georgia to Alaska, and back.

-He has read more books than I have hairs on my head.

-He has been to a shitload of different countries.

-He has ridden the Bicycle Ride Across Georgia multiple times.

-He has been on canoe trips that have lasted for weeks and crossed multiple state lines. One time he even ran into a friend of mine while on one of these trips.

-He drives a Honda Element: a car that only a true Badass can drive.

-He has lived his entire life with a genetic disease. I've never heard him complain about it once.

-He has made countless sacrifices for my mother and me, including waiting an extra year to retire so that I could graduate from high school with my childhood friends. 

-He sometimes spends weeks at a time in the woods.

-Despite having his own health problems, he took care of my grandfather as he was dying of cancer, and now regularly goes to see my grandmother to make sure that she is cared for.

-He can sing and dance in Korean. http://www.facebook.com/patrick.rivers.33

-He has the patience to search for signs of a deer, get up at the asscrack of dawn, shoot the deer, drag it back to his truck, and haul it off for meat. I once saw him cut a living deer's throat. Holy shit.

Despite all the joking I have included in this post, I can truthfully say that my dad is a true Badass. He has worked hard so that I might have a few extra opportunities in life. He is a great father, and in an age of corruption and decaying morality, my dad has stayed strong and continued to set an example for me of how a real man should behave. He has served his country and been exposed to a lot of messed up shit, some of it stuff that I think no human should have to see. H continues to serve his family and community. As a teacher in the US, I taught so many children who never even knew their fathers because they had bailed on them before they were ever born. They had no male figures to look up to in their lives, and I found some of them trying to fill that gap with teachers from their school...others held resentment towards any sort of male authority. I am so thankful to be lucky enough to have the father that I have and on this day, his 67th birthday, I want to take this opportunity to say thank you to my dad for all of your love, support, and sacrifice. The world would be a better place with more men like you in it, and I thank you for continuing to set a good example for us all. I love you and hope that you have a Happy 67th Birthday!

Patrick

How to Talk to Korean Children

When the subject of me teaching English in Korea comes up, many people often say "I didn't know you speak Korean." Many people assume that I have to be fluent in Korean in order to teach the kids English. Not so! To help people understand what it's like communicating, I decided to film a little bit of student-teacher interaction during each of my elementary classes. Unfortunately, some of the kids were so distracted by it that it caused total chaos in the classroom. I left out most of those videos...

As you can see, there's some give and take on both ends, but even though I am told that I speak more Korean than many foreign teachers...you will see how little I actually speak in some of these videos.

Enjoy!

What the Adventure has been up to...The past month or so in Korea

Hello. Yes, I know, it's been a while. 

I have been falling more and more behind on my blog. I realize this and have been reminded by several people. This post is an attempt to bring you up to date on some of the more important events that have happened since my last post.

• Work has become much more routine. There's really not much interesting to write about as far as that is concerned. I still get along really well with my fellow staff and I've built some good relationships with some of the students. 

Here are some pictures:

A student observing me working at my desk. Sweet kid.

One of my favorite classes. Notice the bag of candy on the desk...I had to bribe them in order to get this picture.

As you can see, they are getting much less camera-shy.

Victory!

Koreans rock out, too.

When do I get the candy, Patrick-Teacher?

Student art. The Korean says "Pae-tuh-rick" (Patrick)

Jenny, wondering what the hell I'm doing taking a picture of her.

• I've had some more really good food. Some of the dishes include spicy long-tentacled octopus, a soup/stew that I forgot the name of, and triangular gimbap. Yum. 

Mmmmmmm...Soup/Stew stuff that I can't remember the name of.

This stuff rocks. Yes, I'm sitting on the floor.

Is that a person, or just a mirage?

Happy Jenny.

Lucky for me, there's some good German beer in Korea. This was at a self-serve bar, where you go and get your own beer from a row of refrigerators. At the end of the night when you go up to pay, they count the number of bottles that you have and charge you accordingly. Pretty awesome.

• I've been hiking some more on the mountain behind my apartment.

Some workout equipment on the mountain trail

Can you bench this much?

Trying to get a picture of the mountains behind the cell phone tower.

They're a little out of focus.

A Korean gazebo at the top of one of the mountains peaks. The view from here is incredible.

Gwangju-si. The tiny little bridge in the middle of the picture is the little bridge in the park. Just past that, you can see a blue-ish building with a little yellow spot on the top of it. That's E-Mart.

The western side of Gwangju. I think that the bridge that you can see just past the closest mountain is part of the subway line that they are building.

A place where you can practice your golf swing

I'm not sure what this is. I've had multiple people speculate on it. Some think that it might be a trail marker. Some think that it might be some sort of shamanistic structure. Some think it might just be a pile of rocks.

• I've been into Seoul a few times. 

The Han River. A lot of people hang out by the riverbank at night. They will picnic, drink, camp, or just come to socialize and take in the beauty. It's very nice.

An interesting statue.

This is a street near the central part of Seoul.

This is a shot down a main street of Itaewon: a section of Seoul that foreigners flock to. You can find many American chain restaurants here, as well as many Indian and Middle Eastern restaurants, and pretty much any other kind that you can think of. I didn't realize that there would be so many Westerners until I came out of the subway. That's when I stopped waving at every one that I saw.

This was on the subway. Gas masks, hazard suits, and food rations in case of an attack. It's a very strange thing to see here, especially since the country is so peaceful.

• Korea was hit by Typhoon Bolaven and it was expected to be the biggest typhoon to hit Korea within the last 10 years. After wreaking havoc in Japan and the Phillipines, it came to Korea. Luckily, it was not as bad as originally anticipated but it still claimed some lives. Some of the people killed were some Chinese fishermen who could not get away from it in time. Two Chinese ships crashed against rocks on the coast of Jeju, a Korean island off of the southern tip of the country. Several fishermen were swept away in the water and drowned. Some were able to cling to the wreckage of the ship while heavy winds, huge waves, and heavy rain beat against them. Despite many recent incidents between illegal Chinese fishermen and the Korean Coast guard, men from the Korean Coast Guard boldly risked their lives in this weather to rescue the remaining fishermen. I found the story to be very touching.

Korean Coast guard rescuing Chinese Fishermen off of the coast of Jeju Island

Waves in Busan

Typhoon Bolaven. Korea is the peninsula near the top of the picture that's between Japan and China.

Although this car was empty, a wall did crush a woman in another part of Korea.

Wreckage on the rocks of Jeju.

This was once a house on Jeju.

Another crushed car.

A bulk carrier that was torn in half.

A roof that was torn off of a building. No, they don't build them in the middle of the road.

• I've met some pretty awesome people since I've been here and found out what a "night on the town" truly meant.

Some kind of street art in Hongdae

• Last weekend, I had the pleasure of going to a Korean baseball game in Incheon. We paid for cheap seats but wound up getting pretty awesome seats. Compared to the U.S., refreshments in the stadium were pretty cheap. The game was a lot of fun and the Koreans really got into it.

Not bad, huh? If you look across the field at the seating area, you can see a sea of red. Those are all people with inflatable "clappers" that are beaten together while cheering. Koreans take their cheering pretty seriously.

• I had to get checked out by some doctors in Suwon to make sure that I'm fit for Korea. I will go back tomorrow to get my results. So far, they've told me that I'm overweight (no shit!) and that I have high blood pressure (shit!). Almost every doctor has asked me "Can you speak any Korean?" in Korean. My response: "A little." They proceed to give me the scoop in English after that.

Learn some medical Korean, kids.

• I've seen more funny signs and grammatically incorrect stuff. 

I'm undecided on if SandRich is a misspelling or an attempt at a clever company name...nevertheless, I don't want any sand with my fresh drink.

This belongs to one of my students. Ha!

I've seen tons more stuff that's grammatically incorrect and/or hilarious. I will try to get more pictures.

• The most recent event that's happened in my life happened last Saturday night. I was riding back from Hongdae with some friends in a cab. After paying and leaving the cab, I walked for a few minutes before I realized that I no longer had my wallet. I've been trying to track down the cab in hopes that they have either turned my wallet over to the police, or they have been holding it in their own lost and found. So far, there has been no luck. I should get paid as soon as I get my alien registration card. I'm hoping to receive that on Monday or Tuesday. We shall see. 

My final bit of news is that I have decided to turn this into a weekly blog. I think folks will enjoy it more and it will give me more time to explore Korea without having to delve into the boring details of my daily routine. Let's face it, no one really cares that I drink stick coffee for breakfast. I look forward to updating you on my latest adventures in the wonderful Republic of Korea.

The Adventure Gets Wet...Day 21 in Korea

I woke up to the sound of rain drumming on the windows. Normally, I could sleep all day to the sound of raindrops pelting glass, but it was a holiday and I had agreed to go hiking with my friends Ashley and Shawn.  I checked with both of them to see if they were still interested while I sipped on my morning stick coffee. Shawn had to cancel because he had some work that he had to get done for his school, but luckily Ashley was still down for hiking. We decided to meet at E-Mart after the rain died down. Luckily, that did not take long and I was out the door before I could say Jack Robinson, armed only with my trusty pack and some snacks.

It started raining again at about the same time that I met Ashley in front of E-Mart. We decided to go into E-Mart to get water for our trip, as well as some snacks. (You can never have enough snacks) I bought a 6 liter jug of water, remembering how much water I'd consumed on the last hike to Namhansanseong Fortress. We returned outside to find that it was raining even harder than before. In fact, it was pouring down buckets. I looked at Ashley and asked her if she was up for hiking in the rain. She was! I was happy to know that I wasn't the only crazy person in Gwangju-si.

We decided to go to Namhansanseong Fortress, and came up with a plan to take a bus to Moran Station in Seongnam, then hop on another bus that would take us to the bottom of the mountain (where that cool little park was that I'd discovered). From there, we would hike up the mountain and into the fortress. We could hike around up there and see lots of stuff and then catch a bus from the top back into Gwangju-si. It seemed like a great plan for a great day. Or so we thought...

The first problem that we ran into was trying to find a bus that went from the middle of Gwangju-si to Moran Station. I knew some buses that went to Moran from the bus stops near my house, but they stuck to the highway and didn't go down into the city. I wasn't very worried, because I knew how to read Hangeul and I was fairly confident that I could find a bus stop that went to Moran. 20 minutes of walking around in the city finally produced results and we found a bus that was on a line that went to Moran Station. At this point the rain was coming down in buckets, so we sat and waited under the bus stop, in the company of a few Koreans.

When our bus finally arrived, we hopped on board. I was excited because it was my first opportunity to try out my T-Plus card (the little card that goes "beep"). However, it wouldn't take much to throw me off. After stepping onto the bus, I reached up to try out my card but the bus driver looked at me and said "Oh dee." I had no idea what this meant, so I just nodded and said "Ne." (Yes) "Oh dee!" repeated the bus driver. "Ne!" I repeated, fishing into my pockets and depositing 1,300 won into the box (I figured he must have been naming a price). "OH...DEE!" he exclaimed. "NE" I said, scanning my card. He waived me back and wouldn't let Ashley pay (apparently I'd paid for both of us). We rode for about 2 stops before he looked back and asked "Moran?" "Ne! Moran!" I said. He stopped the bus, opened the door, and pointed at the bus stop across the street. Apparently, we were on the bus that was the right number, but heading in the wrong direction. (I later learned that "Oh dee" means "Where." He was trying to ask us where we were going, probably sensing that we didn't want to head into the countryside.)

We were able to immediately catch a bus that was heading in the opposite direction. Unfortunately, the air conditioner was blasting and we were both wet. Ashley was suffering more than I was (over the years, I have built up a thick layer of..."insulation" on my body, much like whales) and so I looked in my pack to see if I'd packed a jacket. I hadn't. We sat in the cold air conditioning for about 45 minutes before we reached Moran. It was raining harder than ever and we sprinted to the nearest cover that we could find. As we huddled under the awning of a building, Ashley looked at me and said that she thought it might be a good idea if we didn't go hiking. She pointed out that we would only be miserable in this weather. As much as I wanted to go hiking, I knew that she was absolutely right. (Also, I was glad that she was the first one to say it and not me). We saw that there were movie posters on the building that we were hiding under, and decided to go see a movie instead.

We went inside the building, which was a multi-floored department store, and inquired as to the location of the cinema. We were told that it was on the top floor. We journeyed up 8 floors by escalator until we reached the 8th and highest floor. The only movie that wasn't Korean was "The Dark Knight Rises." Ashley hadn't seen it, and I wanted to see it again to finalize my opinion of it, so we decided that we would go see it.

(Dah-kuh Na-ee-tuh Lrah-ee-juh) Dark Knight Rise?

I suggested that we dry off first, because being wet in a movie theater would probably only make us cold again. There were some restaurants and coffee shops on the 7th floor, so we went there to warm up. Ashley had to use the bathroom, so I stood by a sign outside of the bathroom and waited for her. While waiting, and older man came up to me and said "Where are you from?" I didn't understand it at first (his accent was heavy), and told him that I was waiting for my friend in the bathroom. He looked at me funny, and started to walk by, but at that moment I realized what he had asked and said suddenly "Mi-gook!" (America). "Oh, America!" he said, smiling, "nice to meet you." I told him that it was nice to meet him, too, and we bowed and then he went off to the bathroom.

After about 10 minutes, Ashley came out of the bathroom. She told me that it was really warm in the bathrooms and that she wanted to go back. I thought this was a great idea (I was really cold at this point) so we each went to our respective bathroom. Ashley was right, the bathroom was really warm. It was also very clean. I spent the next 10-15 minutes standing in the bathroom (while also forming an intimate relationship with the hand dryer).

We each emerged from our toasty, gender-based havens and headed for the coffee shop. Ashley wanted to get a Green Tea Latte, so I read the Hangeul on the sign and told her how to say it in Korean (even though the sign was also in English). She walked up to the man and said the Korean name, and he smiled, nodded, and started making her drink. I decided that I wanted the same thing, so I walked up to the counter and repeated the order. The man looked at me funny and said "You mean Green Tea Latte?" I nodded glumly, my confidence deflated. Damn Monkey Apple Carburetor...

We drank our lattes and stood around for a while, chatting about life and such. Ashley is pretty much a badass. She went to college in Arizona, where she saw Maynard from Tool a few times. (He makes wine out there) She's been to a few countries, including Japan and India. She's even met the Dalai Lama. She's done all this cool stuff and she's younger than I am. I hope I can catch up some day.

After chatting for a while, we made our way back up to the theater, where we asked about Dark Knight times. The lady told us that the next showing was in 4 hours. We didn't want to wait around that long, so we made an executive decision to head back to Gwangju-si, where we would try to watch the same movie at our local theater. We went through Moran Station to get across the street to the bus stop where I knew that the buses to Gwangju-si would be. I knew some of the buses that went back but didn't remember all of them. I saw a bus pull up that had a number that looked familiar, so I suggested we hop on it. The bus started heading back towards Gwangju-si, but then suddenly turned and started driving down a major highway that was heading west (Gwangju-si is southeast of Seongnam). I swore and told Ashley that we'd gotten on the wrong bus again. We decided to get off at the next stop.

The bus didn't stop for probably 15-20 minutes. When it finally did, the stop going in the other direction was on the other side of a 10-lane highway, with no way to apparent way to get over to it. We waited until the next stop, where we could see a little bridge for pedestrians that led to the other side of the highway. We hopped off and headed over to the other stop. It was some time before the bus that we needed to get on pulled up, and we then had to ride back to Seongnam. We had to go through Moran Station again to get across the street to the bus stop. At this point, I was feeling like a Class-A idiot.

This time, we got on the ride bus and made the 45 minute ride back to Gwangju-si. We got off at a bus stop that was past the city, but before my apartment. Having never gotten off at this stop before, I wasn't quite sure as to the nearest place where we could cross the highway. We walked towards the place that I knew, which was in the direction of my apartment (but away from the city) until the sidewalk disappeared. Not wanting to walk on the street, where we would surely be killed by traffic, we retraced our steps. This time when the sidewalk ended, it seemed to be next to a junkyard that was down some steps. Feeling frustrated, I walked down the steps and saw a place where we could cross to the other side of the highway (it went beneath the road).

We crossed under, and headed back towards E-Mart. We cut through the park, where we could see that the river running through it had risen drastically and had a strong current. We crossed the little bridge and entered the E-Mart food court through a back entrance. To try to begin making up for my idiocy, I bought us some fresh gimbap. We ordered it to go, but sat and ate it in the food court. The lady at the stand that we ordered from sent out 2 bowls of soup to our table. (She must have felt compassionate after seeing how cold and wet we looked). It was Ashley's first time trying fresh gimbap and she loved it. I was glad that I had at least been able to do that much for her, after taking us on a rather out-of-the-way journey around the area.

Shawn met up with us in the food court, and then went to check on the movie times. He returned with bad news: The Dark Knight Rises was no longer playing at our local theater. Dammit, dammit, dammit.

Shawn had not eaten, and Ashley and I were both still hungry, so we went to a little Vietnamese restaurant in the food court. I had an awesome dish that consisted of spicy pork and rice. It was pretty awesome (and filling!). While we were eating, Shawn and Ashley started to giggle. When I looked up at them, Shawn said "You have a fan." I looked over next to me, and there in her high chair sat a little Korean baby girl, ogling me. I must have been rather interesting, because she had to turn almost all the way around to see me. She stared at me periodically throughout the entire meal, probably fascinated by my white skin, big eyes, and facial hair. I wish I could have taken a picture of her, because she was one of the cutest babies that I have ever seen.

After dinner, we said goodbye to Shawn and then headed towards the rear entrance to E-Mart. We stopped by the bathroom on the way out. It was there that I took this picture (the only picture that I took that day!)

That's not how you spell "Smoking"!

Ashley and I walked as far as the park together and then parted ways. I cut through the park to head home, crossing back over the little bridge. When I finally reached my house, I was wet, tired, and happy to be home. I was annoyed at the rain, which had ruined all of the plans that I'd had for my day off. I spent the rest of the day blogging and chatting with people before I finally went to bed and hoped that my day at school on Thursday would be much better.